We're
all familiar with the principle of Murphy's Law/ Sod's Law – if it
can go wrong, it will go wrong. And us musicians are in no way
exempt from it's lugubrious dead hand. The broken string at the
climactic bend of our spotlight solo, the amp catching fire just as
you're kicking into the big finale, the compere's oversized clown
shoe tripping and unplugging your amp so that you launch into your
big intro with NOTHING... (yes, that last one really happened to me).
An
amateur guitarist worries “What happens if X or Y goes wrong?”
and ties himself in knots trying to plan ahead for every contingency.
A
professional guitarist knows the whole thing is going to go to
hell, almost immediately, but grits his teeth and gets on with things
anyway.
There
are a whole raft of tiny, low-level teething problems that can
disrupt a performance – things that simply cannot be replicated in
a rehearsal room or a lesson. I think the problem really lies in our
expectations – when we see a band, live or on TV, all the
background stuff (cables, DI boxes, mixing desks) is hidden away, out
of sight. The result being that people think music just happens.
But when you stop to think about it, there's some very complex
logistical and technical processes going on. It's only natural for
their to be some issues along the way.
You
pick the string. The vibrations are sensed by the pickup (assuming
you've selected the right one and not accidentaly turned your volume
down for any reason) and turned into an electrica impulse.
This
electrical impulse is transmitted through the lead – assuming your
jack socket hasn't worked itself loose, assuming there are no bad
connections in either the jack socket or the tip of the lead itself –
through to the amplifier.
The
amplifier then adjusts the signal, adding gain, editing frequencies
and running through a reverb chamber – assuming there is no issue
in the input of the amplifier or in any of the circuitry, assuming
the valves (if applicable) are in working order and have not burst or
degraded - and then sends the amplified signal to the speaker which
vibrates to create the soundwaves (assuming there is no damage to the
speaker (for instance if it's been accidentally smacked into a chair
leg... or table corner.. ask me how I know)
For
some players the chain ends there. For others there is a mic'd or
DI'd amp – which necessitates another cable, a DI box or mic..
another link in the chain, another potential source of problems.
There's also the possibility – probablility – that there's at
least a couple of pedals and/or a multi-FX unit in the mix. That's
patch cables, batteries, power supplies – patch cables can break,
batteries lose charge, power supply units are notoriously bady
designed and badly made, and vulnerable to issues in the venue power
supply. I vividly remember a gig back in 2009 with my new Line 6
FloorPod XT (I think) where the damn thing would NOT stop buzzing –
could I replicate the issue at home? Could I hell. As it turns out,
the problem was the power supply at the pub we had been playing at.
An earth loop issue in the pub's wiring was the problem. Without a
ground lift function, there's nothing you can do but grin and bear
it, and crank your noise suppressor...
Then
there's the cable. You WILL wind it round your ankle. You WILL catch
it on a mic stand. Unless you gaffa tape it down, it WILL get stuck
under your wah pedal. Wireless? Batteries. Interference.
There
are always going to be problems when you play live. There is no
textbook of solutions. You just have to be on your mettle, able to
respond an d improvise your way out of the situation. And for that,
you need experience. Sometimes, that experience will by necessity be
embarrassing – and I'll see whatever your story is, and raise you
the one where I set my own hair on fire trying to do a Slash and
smoke on stage – but there's no getting around it, it has to be
done. You experience the problem, you find a solution. You can't
short cut it, you can't skimp on the learning curve – but be aware,
every story will eventually be something you can laugh about over a
beer a few years down the line.
Take
your lumps, learn your lessons, and enjoy the ride!
